Melinoe

What the hell is this, you might ask, and why hasn’t Jonas told us about it? Well, dear readers, this is a screenplay. More specifically, this is a screenplay I have uploaded to Amazon Studios to participate in their monthly contest, which is being guest judged by my favourite writer of all time. Which, I realize, means nothing in terms of my chances to win – but somehow it galvanized me into writing this script. A script which I am actually rather proud of, even though I’m sure it can use a couple of small revisions here and there.

I’d like you to read it. If you’ve enjoyed my work, you should enjoy this; even though it’s only a script, you should be able to imagine the movie I would make out of this.

Don’t be put off by the fact that it’s a script. Really. The story is right there. Trust me. Especially if you enjoyed The Infinite Ocean or Phenomenon 32.

But remember that I want you to read it, not proofread it. I’m not looking for criticism; or, to be more precise, I don’t want you to read it with that mindset. Read it as a story told by a writer you like. Let it transport you. Take the words and make images in your mind.

After you’ve read it, and if you enjoyed it, I would like to ask you to write something positive about it on Amazon Studios. I know it’ll take a few moments, and taking a few moments is usually something none of us feel like doing on the internet (and I’m not excluding myself from that!), but it would really make a difference. If you’re visiting this website – and there’s several hundred people who do that on a regular basis – then you probably like what I write. This is a chance to help me get closer to being able to tell more stories. You know I’m not in it for the money or the fame, or I wouldn’t be making the kinds of games that I make. I have a lot more stories to tell, and in this small way you can help me do that. I’d appreciate it. (But only if you really read the script and liked it!)

Anyway. A strange planet awaits you. Go explore it.

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22 Comments

  1. I wish I could read this now. I really do. It’ll have to wait until after camp. *sigh*

  2. 40% done reading it, will finish it tomorrow.

  3. Wolfgang DelaSangre

     /  July 1, 2011

    Just got started. I’m glad I know nothing about writing scripts, or I might try to proofread it anyway. I tend to do that for whatever reason.

    Anyhoo, I am certainly curious. I’ll come back with my reaction, and possibly some thoughts.

  4. Just gimme a few hours. Very interesting, mind!

  5. Done. Good stuff, man.

  6. Would make an amazing movie.

  7. I am not sure I get it, I would read it again but I really do not have the time.

    I have not read a script before so maybe i am just missing more then usual.

    SPOILERS

    (Caution: major spoilers for the entirety of the script. Reading this may completely skew your understanding of the story. – Jonas)

    SPOILERS

    I did not buy the whole ancient advanced civilization descends into madness and chaos worship simply because for some reason they are in a unending internal war.

    And I really did not get how I was supposed to believe that after they started worshipping chaos that they were still able to to create chaos machines that are stable enough to survive thousands of years after the race that created them went extinct and apparently research a way to bring another dimensional being into this dimension and keep it imprisoned.
    Their chaos just seemed too ordered and logically implemented to me.

    And on a more implementation level I would question the pace of the story which seemed like: don’t really know whats going on for 80% of they film, 10% starting to see things that are strange, last 10% got a general idea about what is going on – confronted chaos machine and killed it in like 20 seconds – solved the entire planet’s problems and saved everyone life as well.

    And I think it is impossible to carry 1-2 weeks worth of water through a desert on your back (and as far as I know they did not have any mobile machines after the crash), from what I understand I do not think a human can carry much more then a few gallons and that would be gone in a day.

  8. @gnome, David: Thanks!

    @wisnoskij: Well, what can I say? We seem to disagree about pretty much everything in the world, so I’m not surprised.

  9. Frozeni

     /  July 3, 2011

    I really enjoyed it, every single bit. I wrote something about the story on the amazon site.

    Your storytelling is just something amaizing.. i got here by playing The Infinite Ocean and i have to say, that this story was similar masterpiece that it was as well.

    Once again, thanks and everything best for the story and you 🙂

  10. Thank you! 🙂

  11. Frank Powers

     /  July 5, 2011

    I read through it in one go, and was very well entertained. Thank you. I reviewed and rated it as well, and hope you’ll get a lot more exuberant appraisals. Keep going.

  12. Thanks!

    I’m trying not to say too much in here to avoid spoiling the story for people.

  13. I just finished the script during camp. Don’t ask how I managed it.

    Wonderful script, really. The dialogue is off in some places, and there’s a couple of plot holes in there, but surely you’ve found that. I’ll write a review for Amazon when I get home.

  14. Plot holes? (I’d love to hear what you think is wrong – wondering whether it’s a plot hole or a matter of perspective.)

  15. Ya there was one or two things that seemed like plot holes when I read it as well, just did not want to have a problem with everything and did not want to go hunting back in the script for them either.

    If I am remembering correctly one thing I thought was strange was.

    SPOILERS

    (Caution: major spoilers for the entirety of the script. Reading this may completely skew your understanding of the story. – originally said by Jonas)

    SPOILERS

    after the crash when they became stranded in the middle of the desert one of the crew said that they had several weeks of normal food before they had to switch to survival rations, but what appeared to be the end of the day or there-abouts they are already mentioning how horrible the survival rations they are eating are.

  16. No, they have rations before they have to switch to nutrient bars – neither of which are delicious. The good food is mentioned much earlier, before they leave for Melinoe.

  17. bachi

     /  July 8, 2011

    I don’t know if I just finished reading late and they’d already closed the thing, but I couldn’t find where to post reviews of the script. In any case, I just finished it. It kept me up pretty late reading, even though I have no time to read anything at the moment, and even though I don’t think I’ve been able to watch from one end of a movie to another without getting distracted by something since last year. I need to go sleep now, but take that as an indication that I think the script is at the very least a great story.

    (Also well done on the perfect impression of a post-modernist at the beginning. I even had that weird reaction you get when reading their gibberish where you go, “aww, well, you can kind of see where they’re aiming at if you interpret that as meaning… so perhaps you’re being unfair on them, just because they express themselves in this absurd style…” and then I realised, “wait, he’s written it as a deliberate parody! It can’t possibly mean anything!” They’re an insidious bunch, those Lacan-quoters.)

  18. Caution: major SPOILERS!

    @bachi: Yay! I’m glad you enjoyed it – and I’m especially glad that the postmodernism bit worked well. It’s especially significant because of the ending. Postmodernism as Lovecraftian madness!

    (You can review the script by clicking on a button – it’s where the reviews appear, at the bottom of the page.)

  19. Warning: I like to write SPOILERS!

    I will half-jokingly state that Melinoe‘s story is cleverly organized with the famous TCCS (Tentacled Creatures Crescendo Structure), where the reader can tell the amount of tension by how big is the eight-footed animal that plays a part in the scene. There are three of them, each occupying more space than the previous one.

  20. bachi

     /  July 8, 2011

    Oh, right, done. Mine’s the new one with the idiotic wailing as the sign-in name.

  21. WARNING: SPOILERS, MOTHERFUCKER!

    Well, there’s only one I remember right off the top of my head.

    You know the bit where they meet that one machine that kills Andreas? What happened to that thing? You could probably fix this by saying the thing was in a crumpled heap or dead or something, it’s nothing really major.

  22. WARNING: MORE SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! ARGH! DEATH BY SPOILERS!

    The machine’s supposed to be somewhere in the back of that gigantic room, in a dark corner – but that could be a little clearer.