Welcome to Ego-Bashing Day

No, not Ego Draconis. That continues to be fun, despite our encounter with a quest-killing bug. What we’re talking about is my ego.

Okay, so the trailers I put up yesterday got zero response. That sucks, but at least I can tell myself that it’s because I’ve released them before, and readers of this website may well have already seen them. Plus, while atmospheric, they don’t really say much about the film in question, so maybe people just want to wait until they’ve seen the finished product. Fine.

ArroganceBut then, in a moment of narcissism, I had a look at my Wikipedia page, and saw it has been flagged for notability. Granted, it’s missing some sources and stuff, but… come on. Am I a world-famous game designer? No. I’m not even a famous indie game designer. But even without a particularly huge ego I can assert that my games are fairly unique and have a dedicated, if small, audience. I may not be notable as a person, but at least my damn work is. It’s not perfect or famous, but it’s got its own voice, it has had some critical success (“one of the master story-tellers in indie game development,” damn it!), and it has affected enough people strongly enough to deserve some kind of basic recognition. Call me arrogant, but I honestly believe that.

I do occasionally contribute a little to the Wikipedia, but I don’t particularly feel like editing my own Wikipedia entry, except to correct gross errors. So, if someone would be so nice as to add some sources to the article, I would greatly appreciate it. (Remember to keep to a neutral tone. Well-meant but too emotional fan edits is what got Helen Trevillion‘s original entry deleted.)

Here are some sources you could use:

Am I overreacting? Are these the tremors of an overinflated, self-worshipping personality finally faced with its own unimportance in the grand scheme of short Wikipedia entries? Is this the howling madness of uncontrolled narcissism exploding into a fishing-for-compliments frenzy? I certainly hope not.

But if you have any experience with publishing your work, I’m sure you can imagine that it’s quite demoralizing. I’ve been making games for something like 8 to 9 years now, and I’d like to think that despite the lack of huge success (except, perhaps, in the case of Last Rose, ironically the least of my games) I have still created a body of work that is original and, at least to some, meaningful. And that, like the positive reviews, is something that I am proud of. It doesn’t make me a better person, but that’s not the point – this is like being proud of your children, not of yourself.

And now let’s see what else Ego-Bashing Day will come up with.

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9 Comments

  1. I wouldn’t let Wikipedia notability discussions hurt your ego too much. Many of the editors are so focused on Wikipedia’s self-importance and mainstream recognition that they lose perspective. Even webcomic artists with ten or a hundred times your number of appreciative fans get their articles deleted for non-notability. The “sources” you cite above are, in my opinion, the important recognition of your work.

  2. I know, but that’s a rational answer.

  3. Well, if you’re determined to care about Wikipedia, it may help to know that the notability template was added by an unregistered user with no other edits on the IP. The article already has links to quite a few sources. I’d wait a month or so, and if no deletion proposals or substantive criticism is made, someone should remove the notability template.

  4. I cannot take all this rationality and logic! I must go and smear peanut butter on a bunny – now! Waaaah!

  5. Actually, you’re right – and that’s not the first time people have vandalized the page, either. Hmm. So much hatred out there. So much random destruction. So much peanut butter on… no, no, I must not think about that. I must not! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ahem.

    You’re entirely right, of course, and I’m overreacting. It’s mainly because the frustration of trying to get an agent for Verena and the difficulty of getting to what I feel is the next stage in our lives – writing books and making films – are really wearing me out emotionally. This is a turning point in our lives, and if things don’t start going well, it will be very hard for us to do the things we live and feel the need to accomplish.

  6. Jakob

     /  August 30, 2009

    Actually, I were going to respond on your videos but realised that I didn’t have much more to say than: “It looks like it could become a really good movie!” and didn’t have the time to think through a more constructive opinion.

    I have been following your blog almost since your old site were invaded by Evil, played all your games (and loved most of them!) and spread them to my friends, of which some actually played through more than one of them. You have also inspired me to begin listening on The Nightwatchman and Helen Trevillion.

    I firmly believe that more are interested in your work than you believe. At least you have a small fan-base here in Sweden 🙂

  7. Steven

     /  August 31, 2009

    I share what Jakob said. I’ve been following your blog for a long time as well and have loved all of your games. I’ve played through The Great Machine several times and the writing still amazes me.

    I’ve never posted on here before but I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate all the work you put into this, and I’m looking forward to your next projects.

  8. Thanks, guys. I wasn’t out to get compliments, but they did make me feel better. 🙂

  9. I must go and smear peanut butter on a bunny – now! Waaaah!

    For some reason that remark suddenly reminded me of Eddie Murphy talking about a bear and a rabbit in Delirious. Heh.