Oneiropolis Compendium: Undertree Library

Many are the world trees that grow in Oneiropolis, rising up into the clouds above and providing nesting-space for the dreams that flutter about the rooftops at night, but only one of them has a library in its roots. They say it is one of the oldest trees in the city, older than Yggdrasil, nearly as old as the city itself; but it has no name, or at least none that is known today.

Undertree Library is also old, though not as old as the tree, and contains many ancient books that are hard to find even in Oneiropolis. It has a copy of The Book of the First Days of the Sun, and The Book of the Carvings of Narm, and two copies of The Book of Forgotten Caves, and even a dusty old copy of The Wanderings of the Low Ones, long thought to be lost; and many other books of great antiquity besides. But Undertree Library is not a museum, not a graveyard of the written work. It has new books, recent books, only-just-published books; it has books in languages spoken by a trillion souls, and books that can be read only by a handful; it has novels, encyclopaedias, monographs, disserations, illustrated children’s books, anthologies, grimoires, tech manuals, sex manuals, hex manuals, prophetic works, epics-in-verse, autobiographies, and every other sort of book one can imagine.

The librarian is called Patricia, and is a dragon, though she prefers to think of herself as a bookwyrm. She founded the library many aeons ago, and continues to tend it with passion and dedication, seeking out new books and making sure the old ones stay in good condition. Patricia is the only one who can navigate the maze-like chambers of Undertree Library, but she knows the shelves so well that she can find any book within minutes. She loves doing what she does, and no matter how many books she reads her enthusiasm never diminishes, for the imagination is not subject to entropy; her only complaint in life are the squirrels that live on the tree and their tendency to nibble on the books. Her husband Stavros runs a gyros shop on the other side of the tree.

A Random Selection of Books:

  • The Book of the First Days of the Sun (author unknown)
  • Oneiropolis: Metropolis of Dreams, by Kohlrabian Dialecticus
  • The Material Causes of the Third War of Magic, by Raven Locks Smith
  • The Eleventh Doctor Hoax: Where Is The Real Time Lord?, by Forrest Flambeau
  • Cat Hairs in the Custard, by Aaron Klopstein
  • The Grasshopper Lies Heavy, by Hawthorne Abendsen
  • The Book of Iodine, by Dr. Khut Nah
  • The Necronomicon (Esperanto Edition), by Abdul Alhazred
  • London Pleasures, by Gordon Comstock
  • Secrets of the Kingdom of the Blushing Gatekeeper, by Cornelia Tantamount
  • Puppy Puppy Puppy Puppy Puppy Puppy, by Terry Puppy
  • Cthulhu Is Nice Once You Get To Know Him: An Autobiography, by Antonius Quine
  • Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, by Newt Scamander
  • How To Gerbelize Things, by Zurd Fruitbasket
  • Kulte Die Relativ Einfach Auszusprechen Sind, by Friedrich Wilhelm von Junzt
  • The Reckoning of the Years, by Merry Brandybuck
  • Schlargbantra Phenomenology, by Oedyplus Megalotriffidus
  • The Chrasmological Writings (Oneiropolis University Annotated Edition)
  • Those Damn Baboons: A Children’s Novel, by Lucinda Stronklefurth
  • 50 Hobbit Soup Recipes, by Anthropophagus Zwergmonger
  • Changing Your Mind, by Zadie Brainsmith
  • I Stepped On The Frankfurt School And It Made A Squishy Sound, by Giganticus Beantrinket
  • From Nephite Lake to Nexus City: Autobiographical Sketches, by Omner Robinson
  • The Bovine Conspiracy, by Maxine Superfluous Surname
  • Consider Phlebas, by Iain M. Banks
  • I’m Going To Kill Those Baboons: A Children’s Novel, by Lucinda Stronklefurth
  • The Delicious Book of Edible Welding Paraphernalia, by Zunki Flamengo
  • Turn Me On With Your Danish, by Sexo Grammaticus
  • The Bible: Author’s Preferred Text, by Bob the Spider
  • Imerologio Katastromatos VI, by Giorgos Seferis
  • The Teleological Consternations of the Supposition of Imminent Ruminants, by The Flower
  • The Hierarch and the Primate: A History of Ape Theology, by Edward Gibbon
  • Someone Stop These Baboons: A Children’s Novel, by Lucinda Stronklefurth
  • Fashionable Nonsense: Postmodern Intellectuals’ Abuse of Science, by Alan Sokal and Jean Bricmont
  • The History of Goblinland (Omnibus Edition), by Lord Gro
  • Dining in Morrowind, by Zu the Brief
  • How To Be A Real Man, by Limpfeather Smellgroin
  • Death By Baboons It Shall Be: A Children’s Novel, by Lucinda Stronklefurth

This entry in the Oneiropolis Compendium was made possible by James Patton.

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Leave a comment

7 Comments

  1. I take it you don’t like Matt Smith?

  2. BiggerJ

     /  November 26, 2011

    Man, I remember reading a theory back in the day that the Ninth Doctor was really the Master and the Eighth Doctor was locked up somewhere in his own TARDIS.

  3. An truly amazing piece by Verena. Stunning, just stunning.

    Also, I’ve always thought that gyros goes so well with reading…

  4. @Roda: Ah, you are referring to the non-canon fake tales recently spread by the Master as anti-Doctor propaganda? The ones with the upper-class twit of the year pretending to be the Doctor, with some promiscuous egomaniac as his companion?

    To be fair, it’s not only the Scary Forehead Man who is to blame. I also think the writing is bollocks and the production values have dropped through the floor and into the core of the Earth to hang out with whatever is down there. (It changes every now and then.)

  5. Robb

     /  November 26, 2011

    I think I would die of sheer ecstasy if there were a gyro shop/library anywhere near me.

  6. James Patton

     /  November 29, 2011

    Just wanted to say how massively impressed I am with this entry! I look forward to hanging this on my wall 😀

  7. trefmanic

     /  November 30, 2011

    I hope it is large enough to be connected to the L-Space ^_^.