Real Biography

Jonas Kyratzes is, in no particular order: fat, trilingual, socialistic, twelve stories high, in love, made of radiation, cat-friendly, fat, agnostic, purple, fat, fat and fat. Some people claim that he is not really that fat, but they are soon crushed by his gravitational field. He spends most of his time on various creative projects, such as writing stuff, making really strange movies, and designing even stranger pseudo-philosophical computer games that nobody plays. He has also built quite a few sets and even co-written a play or two, to the consternation of theatregoers worldwide. He is the inventor of air and the founder of the Evil Communist Cheese-Breeding Society. Contrary to popular opinion, he is not a member of the Fat Ninjas of Stupidity. He is, however, one of the Jolly Pirates of Acrophobia.

He is married to Verena Kyratzes, who is much nicer and also smells better. She is also an amazing writer, wonderful set designer, very funny actress, brilliant director and a great singer. She can also read at the speed of light. Verena loves books, movies, games, many different species of life (some extinct), music and musicals, good food and sunny countries. She hates wet bread, jellyfish, and literary theory.

They have a cat called Cat, who pretends to be a mean street cat, but is fuzzy and nice at heart, and will run away screaming if attacked by another cat. Cat likes tuna, chicken and mice. She is afraid of hats.

They also have two aquatic turtles called Zathras, and will have ten of them someday. Zathras and Zathras like amphipod crustaceans, warmth, bloodworms, and yawning. Cat thinks they are absolutely fascinating.

NOTE: Jonas found this website on a trash heap, which is why it smells of mushrooms.